I don’t do divorce law but I have a lot of friends who do.  And more friends who are caught up in divorce(s).  So, here are some divorce survival tips:

Pre-marriage:

GET A PRE-NUP!

Post-marriage:

If you are getting a divorce, even if you are an attorney,

1.    Get a lawyer

2.    Get a counselor you trust

3.    Get an accountant

4.    Make a list of all financial accounts and passwords

5.    Get copies of all financial statements

6.    Know you will survive this

7.    Know it will feel sometimes that you will not survive this (and you will be wrong)

8.    Never stop loving your children

9.    Talk to your children calmly about what is going on

10.   Do not bad mouth the other side—it will only come back at you

11.   Do not lose touch with your children

12.   Your children are not “leverage” over your spouse

13.   Child support is not “leverage” over your spouse

14.   Visitation is not “leverage” over your spouse

15.   Everyone feels guilty.  Nobody really is.

16.   Time wounds all heels.

17.   Friends are important

18.   Eat well

19.   Exercise controls stress

20.   Stay off the internet—you are not as anonymous as you think you are

21.   Change passwords to all accounts (email, bank, bar association, etc.)

22.   Change your passwords to anything that is on your home computer or that you have accessed from home

23.   Update your will/check beneficiaries on insurance policies, pension plans, etc.  Check with your lawyer about this as they may have implications for your case

24.   If you are locked out, who pays for what?

25.   Don’t lose your temper.

26.   Don’t take your children and leave the state—it opens you up to kidnapping charges

27.   Until there is a court order, BOTH parents have equal rights to the children.