I.                    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

II.                 Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

III.              If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

IV.             It is easier to ask for forgiveness than get permission.

V.                For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

VI.             If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

VII.          A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

VIII.       Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

IX.             Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

X.                No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

XI.             Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

XII.          Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

XIII.       Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

XIV.      There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

XV.         Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

XVI.      By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

XVII.   Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.